Laziness

"Lazy bitch," Ana accused.
"Get lost," i responded without looking up from my book.
"You ought to be working out while your little one is napping. What other opportunity do you expect to have today?"
I shrugged. "None, probably, but i hurt today. This bi-polar weather is not being kind to me." I continued to read... until she snatched the book from my hand and slammed it shut with a resounding thump. "Now who's a bitch?" i asked apathetically.
"The least you could do is the housework that you've been putting off since Tuesday," she grumbled.
"No one said you had to live here."
"Yeah, no one except you. You're always telling me to leave only to beg me to come back the next day."
I rolled my eyes. I knew she was right....but that didn't mean i was going to admit it. With a sigh i arose from my comfortable position on the couch, getting ready to do the cleaning that i knew needed done. That was when i heard yell from my daughter's bedroom. She was awake.
"Well, it looks like you've missed your chance. No food for you today," Ana said with a smirk.
"Fuck off," i murmured and made sure she had left before i retrieved my daughter.

Confusion

I don't know what to do anymore. I'm hitting another depression, which means i either eat everything or nothing. I don't particularly want to do either. I want to eat like a normal person, not binge or starve. Then Ana creeps in, and tells me the only option is to starve because i can't eat everything and get fat.
My life, too, is confusing. I love my husband...but i don't know if he loves me anymore. He goes through phases. Sometimes he's really really lovey, and other times it seems like i don't exist. We have discussions all the time about fixing things and going back to the way we used to be. And it works! ...for two days after the discussion, and then it goes back to hell. I don't really know what to do about it. This has been going on for months.
Sorry, this rant should have at least been in story form...

This Sums up Everything I Feel Right Now.

I was staring at the sky, just looking for a star
To pray on, or wish on, or something like that
I was having a sweet fix of a daydream of a boy
Whose reality I knew, was a hopeless to be had
But then the dove of hope began its downward slope
And I believed for a moment that my chances
Were approaching to be grabbed
But as it came down near, so did a weary tear
I thought it was a bird, but it was just a paper bag

Hunger hurts, and I want him so bad, oh it kills
'Cause I know I'm a mess he don't wanna clean up
I got to fold 'cause these hands are too shaky to hold
Hunger hurts, but starving works, when it costs too much to love

And I went crazy again today, looking for a strand to climb
Looking for a little hope
Baby said he couldn't stay, wouldn't put his lips to mine,
And a fail to kiss is a fail to cope
I said, 'Honey, I don't feel so good, don't feel justified
Come on put a little love here in my void,' he said
'It's all in your head,' and I said, 'So's everything'
But he didn't get it I thought he was a man
But he was just a little boy

Hunger hurts, and I want him so bad, oh it kills
'Cause I know I'm a mess he don't wanna clean up
I got to fold 'cause these hands are too shaky to hold
Hunger hurts, but starving works, when it costs too much to love

Hunger hurts, but I want him so bad, oh it kills
'Cause I know I'm a mess he don't wanna clean up
I got to fold 'cause these hands are too shaky to hold
Hunger hurts, but starving works, when it costs too much to love

Hunger hurts, but I want him so bad, oh it kills
Because I know that I'm a mess that he don't wanna clean up
I got to fold because these hands are just too shaky to hold
Hunger hurts, but starving, it works, when it costs too much to love